What if I have HIV and I dont even know it?. Sometimes I am terrified of the fact that ... you never know where your partners have been before they got to you. And if you trust them for a single hand moment, you could throw your own health to the dumpster. Unlike before, I'm not so much thinking that I am at risk right now, but I did get this cold sore on my tounge and I got all freaked out and now I'm scared .... one never knows and there is only one way to solve the problem if I were to think there is a problem at hand ... get tested.
This brings to mind the importance of a sexual education in school. The controversial topic has always been a staple in the public school systems and even now within private schools. Growing up, I was always surrounded by the Catholic debate that sex education is immoral and that it should be kept outside of the school system. What we are supposed to learn was the process of natural family planning. A process in which Catholics have scientificly identified the best ways not to get pregnant. Beyond natural birth control, the idea that a condom means sin, and disease means result to immoral behaviour has grown to stump me in terms of keeping the youth informed and healthy.
Taking my own ignorance for example, it is so important to be informed about how you can prevent and contract STD's. HIV/AIDS is probably the worst fear that I have as a homosexual male. I watched my second cousin die of AIDS in the 1990's, due to drug use and a shared needle. It always scared me, and now I am living in an age where medication can save time but not guarantee a lifetime. I was barely aware of the fact that you could get ghonorrea from oral sex, less was I aware of the fact that a drop of pre cum is enough to contract HIV.
We live in denial when it comes to sex. Some of us use it to cure the pain, others like myself are somewhat fearful of it for sake of lost purity. As a Catholic, I have grown to hide my sex drive and work with my mind. Which in itself is not bad, but where I fail is that Sex is in hiding ... so when I have it, I am almost trying to do a rush job, so not to enjoy it enough to feel the guilt of "sin" dawn upon my shoulders. And though I do not see sex as a sin, there will always be that part of me which is questioning sensuality and sexuality and pleasure. Due to this sense of denial, I have set myself up for ignorance ... it's not bliss and it will kill us all. So it's about time that I get tested and read up on my human sexuality lessons. Once more before I finish, I cannot stress the importance of letting our teens know what not to do, and where not to play in order to keep a healthy tomorrow for the youth of today.
1 comment:
I'm an HIV/AIDS prevention educator and stumbled across your blog while looking for new condom info. Thank you for being so frank and open and sharing your real fears with your readers. You are completely right-teaching kids to talk about sex openly and seriously would do amazing wonders for everyone. It's in pretending it doesn't exist and is dirty that we lead kids and adults to make unhealthy choices for fear of being in the open about having sex. Teaching about safer sex doesn't encourage sex, it just reduces the posibility of sex being fatal. I strongly encourage you to get tested for your own sanity. If you're negative, you will feel relieved and more encouraged to be safer in the future. If you're positive, you can start making healthy choices in nutrition and med care that will make your life longer and happier. AIDS treatments and services have come a long way since your poor cousin's death and it is NOT a death sentence now. If you learn early enough, you can really preserve your health for decades or longer. Congrats to you for thinking of your own health in real terms and good luck in making those choices. You are welcome to email me with any questions you have.
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