Relationships.

Relationships:

I have always based my relationships upon trust, honesty,loyalty, communication and intimacy. These five components are what I believe to be the formula for a strong relationship. Unfortunatley these five attributes have never been returned to me. Although I find it hard to let go, I've been openly cheated on, lied to and made into a fool for the public to see. This is why I have a harder time trusting than most would on a Friday night in a bar. I don't trust, and that's one of the issues that find their way as a road block in my relationships. When all is silent, I become fearful of the events that could be taking place when I am not around. And when all is okay, I am fearing that there is something not being said which needs saying.

Last night I had the chance to get to know my boyfriend a little better. Without telling the details in our conversation, I feel as though he and I connected on an emotional level. I told him that my main fear was of him being dishonest and unloyal to me. Because when I am in a relationship, I take it very serious. I am not looking for a cute piece of ass to penetrate, I'm looking for connection, emotion, vulnerability and love. I am not like most men my age, I am very classical when it comes to respect and loyalty. And this is where I once more find fear; I am well aware of the fact that most men, no matter how nice they may be .... are creatures of sexual habit. And this is why I have remained a Virgin for as long as today; for sake of controlling my sexuality and owning it, so not to abuse it and percieve it as empty and for pleasure only.