Is This My Coming Of Age Story?; Or is Chapter One Closing?.

"Nah ah ah ah !, It's shorter than that even !"

Everything in my life is changing, I've got my own house, I've got a boyfriend and I just cut all of my hair off. Yes the latter bit is true, for those of you who may have guessed who this shadow-boy is, you can now see me without the hair past my shoulders, and it's scary. The sad part about it is that when I got home last night and showed the family my new hairstyle, they all began to look at me with utter shock and dissapointment. My mother had to go on and tell me that I looked like a Beatle, and everyone else just said "oh my god, it's so short". The truth is that I never intedned for my hair to go as short as my stylist took it, and for that reason I am feeling unsatisfied. At this point I am apprehensive to run into anyone that I've known for over a year up here, for sake of commentery.

Last night my father asked me about that message from N**o on Tuesday. And once again there was no conversation to follow my comment "yeah, I heard that she left a really weird message". What's going on here?, have I set off some kind of time bomb, have I reset my place in the universe?, what is going on here. Everything's changing so fast. Even my image has gone through a 180 litterally over night. It's almost like I am being groomed for something bigger than I'm used to. Will I be rewarded ?; or is this the reward?. I'm not used to everything in my personal life changing, I've been so used to being affiliated with my family, that standing on my own two feet and standing alone feels really uncomfortable at the moment.

It's not really a matter of lonliness, more than it is a sense of being forced to come out into the light. Come out of the closet, cut this hair off that hid my face and inside for so long .... I've been taken out of hiding and now I am on the front line. What do I do to reinforce myself again after the storm. I feel it's changing and it could even be for the best, but after that is there no turning back. It is right now, that I am forced to take a look at all the things which brought me here. Is this my coming of age story "Chapter 1", or is this the conclusion to a very long and detailed chapter. Either way you cut the narrative, this is a time of change and I'm very scared, maily because it has everything to do with me and the spotlight is on.