Sometimes people can be so cruel and we find ourselves caught in the middle of the disaster. Like a scene right out of the film "Mean Girls" we sometimes find our will committed to joining along in the bad fight. Where do we learn to draw the line with our friends and create a standard for tolerance amongst "small town" people. How do we make the change we want to be within our community?. It can go larger than that if we truly take the fight serious. But for me, it all falls down to weakness and following.
Last night as a few of my friends and I walked home from a bar here in town. Now before we had left, there was a girl that I knew from a bagel shop downtown. We were joking around, chatting a bit and generally joking about nothing. Fun stuff right ?. Well as we left, two of my friends began to comment on her [as we were about half a block away]. My sister immediatley began to defend the girl -- as I played the Peter to Jesus role in denying her as a human being. Therefore I subjected this poor [nice] girl to the hands of my insecure friends.
Now don't get me wrong, I have a lot of fun with these two particular beings, and in fact I have a growing crush on the male portion of the pair. But there is a growingly small headed side to the two of these people that is begining to piss me off. And I'm pissing my own self off most for not standing against this shit. I'll be candid here, I know that I am smart and I know that I have what a lot of people want in the "unique" department. I often create my own standards and live out my own thoughts through my wit and "charm". But at the end of the day I am finding weakness in terms of judgement and the present fear of being judges by others.
This 'lil bug called judgement keeps on showing it's maniacal face toward human kind. And there I was last night frustrated by the stupidity in all of us but most of all in myself for allowing this. So now is the time for me to claim my standard and follow through on living it out. Like I said before, I really like these two, but they pride themselves in being "Bitches", they often make fun of me for my social interactions with the public -- hell I'm just that guy and I love it. I can make a new friend in .01 seconds. I know I may be insecure, but at least my insecurities are right out there and not hidden behind a judgemental facade which reaks of small town behaviour. I love those two -- but I'm aggrivated by their words and actions.
And then it was but an hour or so later that I held a pretty substantial conversation with the guy I like. And he actually came off as serious, and it was pretty nice to not be so playful for once and to tackle issues like religion and share stories about travel and what not. I think that it was sort of the perfect contrast to the issues stated above; for he let down his guard for a moment and showed me a little bit of who's on the inside. And that is when we truly begin to understand the people we hang with. It's like taking a taste before looking at the nutritional value. And In the end I was pleased with this boy - I was pleased to have shared that moment of center with him. And I would like to try it again.
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