Medals Crosses and Robes :You tell me who raped the soul.

I struggle day to day with positive thinking and attitude. Most of the times though I am in a down spirit; one that leads me to come to a glass half empty conclusion. However my horoscope today advised me to perhaps project positive energy out there upon the things that I want. It reminded me of that book "The Secret", which basicly suggests that we have the power to control our outcome through positive thinking. Could this be the one missing link to all of my relationship issues, the off and on depression and the general acceptance of feeling like the underdog.

How am I ever to feel as though I fit in, when I am constantly trying to prove myself to God, man and self. Yes I am trying to introduce the soul to my body and my body is struggling to accept the soul. For if my body and soul truly accepted their surroundings and the actions we make - then perhaps I would not feel so much guilt when I think "wrong" thoughts and do "bad" things. It is through this avoidence of experience that I am creating avoidence and fear. I am not a bad person if I make love, nor am I a sub human for loving a man. And yet in the back of my mind as the candle burns on Christmas eve; the world is settled for one night and I am crying on the inside for I have just been stabbed by a demon in a dark hallway and their singin their holy holy holies too loud to hear me yell out for help.

One may wonder why there is an image of rape posted atop this entry; and the answer is this. Sexuality has been taken from man by the church. So long as we obey the rules of the priests and reverands, gods and demi-gods, we are subjected to guilt and pain. It's not to glorify sex as the all standard for happiness, for sex is one great part of the piece. But it's the one piece of the collecting puzzle which costs the greatest fortune. So in turn like a victim to rape, we are surrenduring ourselves toward a dominance and submission complex without the leather, the whips and the chains. All replaced by medals, crosses and robes.