The Greatest Stories Never Told; Validation and Two Thoughts.

I need validation. That's my problem. I am seeking from others what I cannot give and take freely from myself. I am one of those men who seeks to be cared for and yet I cannot dish the care for others. So when I find myself failing in a relationship; I victimize myself and I put the blame on everyone else first and then myself. Or in some instances of recent news, I beat myself up for not being "good enough" for another human being.

If I were to break it all down to a tea bag, I'd have to say that no man, and no woman is worth giving yourself up for. And yet I am not the only one doing it. This is called co-dependance and it's something that I've tried not to include myself in since seeing how oathetic it can be through my mother, sister; and all the women in my family. It's a sick, sad cycle and I'm not one to want any part of it. But when one seeks constant stroking and approval from the likes of others who cannot even hold up their own ship from the sinking waters; how the fuck are they supposed to save me from my one board, a pole and a bed sheet?.

Every December 31, before the years end at 11:59:59 and couting, I say a prayer, I ask the devine for a lesson and wisdom for the new year. As 2006 came to an end in her final minute, I asked for a lesson in strength and wisdom. This year, through the lessons learned of the last and those presented today have taught me more about myself and the hardening that it takes to live in this world. Dissapointing as it may be we are born into a battlefield dimension which requires us to take up a swoard and prepare for battle. In self defense we protect all that is sacred within ourselves and we learn how to punch correctly and kick others in the intellect.

Sometimes we meet amazing storytellers, and supporters of the craft which enable us to believe in ourselves. Priests, witches and natives; these are the key players to the narrative we direct called life. This is something that we are taught to disengage from in modern day USA. We're no longer interested in passing wisdom from the dead, onto the babies of the present. And look where it is taking us?, we are probably one of the most daft youth nations out there [broadly speaking ofcourse]. But if we look at the lessons we are taught in history class, we're praising the conquerer and not mourning the conquered. For if in America we are to understand the blood shed on our doorsteps, we must first go to the source and listen to the side of the story which we were not told. Chris Columbus my ass, and all the other white men who are still praised today. If we are ever to celebrate racial and social equality, then we must include the true stories in our text books from the early ages.