The Power of No.

I have allowed myself not to dwell on the little things anymore. I've told myself that "It's bullshit" and that one should not dwell upon the imagination for too long. And though there is so much of me that lives within the imagination I hve to believe in my power over the mind to get me through the lonely, hard and insecure times.

Last night as he left my apartment from a week together, I felt sad, alone and scared. Why did goodbye for now feel so bad. And why was it that I felt my fears whispering ino my ear all of the stories they once told. Why did I feel as though he didnt want to be around me. Why was I imagining him running off to make a phone call to a secret boy on the side and why did I allow myself to sit up nearly in tears for about 45 minutes. The truth is that I felt alone again for the first time in a week and it took 2.1 seconds for me to miss him like all hell again.

But the truth is that everything is beautiful and nothing is wrong. So I allowed for those thoughts to take place and I allowed myself to think them through with the knowledge that it was not real at all. Nothing is real until make into reality. I am starting to belive more so than ever that our thoughts conduct our reality. So I must stop allowing my insecurities and my negativity run the show. I believe in this relatonship, I've always been willing to work through anything in order to make it work. There is only one thing that I will not work with and that it betrayal of the heart and flesh.

So te lesson I am teaching myself is to surrender my control through not believing my mind. I've submitted my will toward a sense of "let it flow" and not worry. This has opened trust between J******* and I. We're more open than ever, and I feel a great success in this so far. I am also having to learn how not to fear voicing myself, and choose my battles. In the begining I felt as though I had to knit pick every "issue". Well every issue is not worth fighting, and every word is not worth breaking down. Sometimes we just have to accept what simply is the moment in order to work through it. And often times we learn that the outcome we feared, does not come through if we do not project it. So let's stop projecting the outcome and our mind will un-learn how to create it. This is the powerof No.