This morning I had a dream. In this dream myself and my boyfriend were in Po****** and some how Cree showed up. For those of you who do not remember, this boy named Cree once treated me with one of the greatest disrespects ever. He was "the other man" and he took pride in it. I remember saying hello to his young man, the first time that I'd ever met him and he told me "Dont talk to me, you're white". Being drunk at the time I stupidly laughed it off, but thought to myself "wait a second you racist little twirp ...". It was shortly followed by an entire evening of him putting me down racially and interrupting me mid scentence. This boy - is 23 years of age, the same as myself. Treating me like an ignorant 2 year old who missed his baba.
Cree and J****** met last summer on the same day that I met J******* in August. A friendship was made between the two of them. I've tried my best not to let anything get to me - but some how I feel like Cree is going after my boyfriend. J****** once even told me that Cree wanted to fool around with him recently. I tried my best to take the news as an act of trust asking my boyfriend "well you told him that you were with somebody right?", and though he said that he did, I questioned weather or not he wanted to or not. So in my dream this morning, Cree was standing with no clothes on butunderwear and J******* and I walked into his house, Cree then began this child like baby laugh with flapping eyelids and grabbed my boyfriend from my arms, he then kissed J****** right before me as I began to panic, Cree began to laugh. J****** seemed confused but also intrigued by the kiss and leaned in for another one. At this point of my dream I tried to grab my boyfriend back but cree turned to me saying "leave, you have no place here". And that is when in my dream I began to cry and feel rage. I then took J****** back and kissed him, he seemed to know that he was with me, so he kissed me back. But then Cree came back at him ..... this is when Iwoke up with tears in my eyes.
I've tried my best not to let their friendship intimidate me, but I don't trust Cree at all. Am I out of line?, am I being jealous?, or should I feel like I have a value over this boy, this creature that once took another boyfriend away from me. This boy who showed no hesitation to treat me like shit based on the color of my skin, this boy who told me to shut up mid scentence .... this boy. I hold a love for my boyfriend, and I will not control his friendships, I will trust him to do the right thing - but I do not trust his friend Cree.
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