I'm afraid of the things I need to say because I dont want you to take them wrong. I am fearful to be vulnerable because I don't know that you know how to help me. Some days I need a saviour, I need to be held - but I'll never ask you because I don't want to be a needy being. I often wonder if I appear as strong to you or if you think I'm easy. I sometimes worry to myself that you see me as a time passer. Is any of this real?, do you really feel?. Today I can't stop thinking of how easily I could lose you. The proposition fom your father to move you back home is tearing my ears apart, my inability to trust the future scares me beyond compare. Somehow in times like these I feel as though it's best to be silent and not let you know what I fear most - losing this connection. Is that old news?, are we over it?, do we care anymore?. I still need to know that I mean something to you more than a man that cooks and cleans and rubs your shoulders at the end of the day. I need to know that you appreciate me, I need to know that I am special. I need to know that this means as much to you as it does to me. There is nothing even to worry about, I dont want to bring this up because it will cause a fight and I can't handle that .... not again. I die everytime you are upset with me, I die inside because I don't have anything else to fight for, and when you are not around I feel empty. So please tell me you'll stay, and hold me tonight because I feel like a child inside. Don't want mommy to die, scared of the dark, don't lie to me ; darling please don't break my heart. Just tell me that you love me, tell me that you care, tell me this means everything to you, tell me "don't be scared". And hold me, just hold me. Protect me as I long to fight for you from the evil outside. Let me know something - for work is of the nothing if not seen like the blind.
16 December, 2007
Not Again.
I'm afraid of the things I need to say because I dont want you to take them wrong. I am fearful to be vulnerable because I don't know that you know how to help me. Some days I need a saviour, I need to be held - but I'll never ask you because I don't want to be a needy being. I often wonder if I appear as strong to you or if you think I'm easy. I sometimes worry to myself that you see me as a time passer. Is any of this real?, do you really feel?. Today I can't stop thinking of how easily I could lose you. The proposition fom your father to move you back home is tearing my ears apart, my inability to trust the future scares me beyond compare. Somehow in times like these I feel as though it's best to be silent and not let you know what I fear most - losing this connection. Is that old news?, are we over it?, do we care anymore?. I still need to know that I mean something to you more than a man that cooks and cleans and rubs your shoulders at the end of the day. I need to know that you appreciate me, I need to know that I am special. I need to know that this means as much to you as it does to me. There is nothing even to worry about, I dont want to bring this up because it will cause a fight and I can't handle that .... not again. I die everytime you are upset with me, I die inside because I don't have anything else to fight for, and when you are not around I feel empty. So please tell me you'll stay, and hold me tonight because I feel like a child inside. Don't want mommy to die, scared of the dark, don't lie to me ; darling please don't break my heart. Just tell me that you love me, tell me that you care, tell me this means everything to you, tell me "don't be scared". And hold me, just hold me. Protect me as I long to fight for you from the evil outside. Let me know something - for work is of the nothing if not seen like the blind.
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