Smoke

I feel completely antsy this afternoon as there is nothing to do at work. And yet I feel really scared of my boss because of him writing me up last week for "slacking off". To be honest he's really begining to get under my skin, I felt really upset over that one and by his passive/aggressive behaviour. Yet Da****** shows up to work each morning late and I've heard nothing about a write up for her. So where is the justice in this?. I'm actually growing resentful toward him. I understand that I was not right in taking personal time to overcome stress, but I feel as though rules are being bent for Da****** because a tree fell on a part of her house. I'm not trying to get her in trouble, but I'm really sick of being the only one to get in trouble. And when I feel like this, I get a truly "fuck all" attidtude toward the arena.

I've always dealt with this sort of shit, and it's because I honestly dont give a fuck when the shit hits the fan. When I feel like shit I add to the pile and thats not good. But the truth is that I'm damn fucking near sick of being blamed for all the wrong. Somehow my mother keeps coming up when it comes to this one. And I do not know what good it does to say this but I find myself tired as well of getting all the blame for all of the things that my siblings do. Or how about all of the times when I was a kid and I took the blame of my cousin and the back hand of his father for the crap my cousin would pull.

I'm stressed and ...

God damn it I want a cigarette. I won't but I'm craving (thats sick isnt it). Will power will save me.