Today my horoscope says a confrontation is coming my way. I feel like Tru Calling here as I am trying to keep my eyes and earsout for who it is and when. Tomorrow I am probably going to head over to Oakland CA for a Tori Amos show. I'll probably be back home by Tuesday. Luckily my boss is being cool about me taking a few days off. The only thing is that I'm so stressed out and worn down that I don't even feel like I should be going down there for any reason.
I need to take control again over a few minor aspects of my life in order to make proper change. I need to attain a driver's license and buy a car. I need to have my house blessed and cleanse myself of negative energy through some kind of conselling. I feel as though the events of this week have left me feeling quite a void of power and direction. My job has suffered, my relationship has mended but my spirit is still healing.
Positivity can exsist even when we are at our lowest state of being. Conciousness does not have to be stress. But stress is such a present energy within our working, living and love lives. All that I seek is peace in all places. I do not like confrontation, I don't take much of a stand for myself when I believe there is something to lose. I see myself as unbalanced, because I have to hold myself back from arguing ... I somehow think that I'll either become too upset or I will go for the kill and ruin it all.
Work is driving me crazy. The more than my customers want, the more I want to flip out. I go crazy every time a customer asks me something stupid or repeats the wrong answer to me. My eating habits have gone so far off that I've put on about 10 pounds in 4 months, I must weigh about 175 now compared to the 140 I weighed last December. I do feel quite disgusting about that. Too many drinks and too much fatty food. Nothing natural and yet I feel like it's the one thing I can control but in the opposite directon. In the past I'd stop eating fo control, but that was because I lived a very seldom life. No job, a very open schedule, I had plenty of time to focus my energy on losing weight and controlling my intake. But now that I am working full time, and my life is spinning in circles, I feel as though I am rebelling against those old habits and I am eating whatever I want and whenever. And that has added a lot more me to me.
I am the director to the film that is my life. I should not accept foul play or bad actors or else my film will not be a success. I also have to take care of myself in order to make sure that everybody else recieves the best of me. This tells me that I do not see any value in myself. This tells me that I am allowing disaster to take place because I am too scared to save the world. If I wait too long for everything to feel safe.... maybe my dreams will never come true. Honest and real success come to those who took risks and put their fear on the back burner.
I need to take control again over a few minor aspects of my life in order to make proper change. I need to attain a driver's license and buy a car. I need to have my house blessed and cleanse myself of negative energy through some kind of conselling. I feel as though the events of this week have left me feeling quite a void of power and direction. My job has suffered, my relationship has mended but my spirit is still healing.
Positivity can exsist even when we are at our lowest state of being. Conciousness does not have to be stress. But stress is such a present energy within our working, living and love lives. All that I seek is peace in all places. I do not like confrontation, I don't take much of a stand for myself when I believe there is something to lose. I see myself as unbalanced, because I have to hold myself back from arguing ... I somehow think that I'll either become too upset or I will go for the kill and ruin it all.
Work is driving me crazy. The more than my customers want, the more I want to flip out. I go crazy every time a customer asks me something stupid or repeats the wrong answer to me. My eating habits have gone so far off that I've put on about 10 pounds in 4 months, I must weigh about 175 now compared to the 140 I weighed last December. I do feel quite disgusting about that. Too many drinks and too much fatty food. Nothing natural and yet I feel like it's the one thing I can control but in the opposite directon. In the past I'd stop eating fo control, but that was because I lived a very seldom life. No job, a very open schedule, I had plenty of time to focus my energy on losing weight and controlling my intake. But now that I am working full time, and my life is spinning in circles, I feel as though I am rebelling against those old habits and I am eating whatever I want and whenever. And that has added a lot more me to me.
I am the director to the film that is my life. I should not accept foul play or bad actors or else my film will not be a success. I also have to take care of myself in order to make sure that everybody else recieves the best of me. This tells me that I do not see any value in myself. This tells me that I am allowing disaster to take place because I am too scared to save the world. If I wait too long for everything to feel safe.... maybe my dreams will never come true. Honest and real success come to those who took risks and put their fear on the back burner.
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