LONG day behind me and three more ahead. Training in Phoenix has not been anything too hard; rather time and life consuming. Today I met the president of my company and sat in on a manager's meeting. Being that I am not a manager there, I am kind of saying this all from an odd place. Perhaps for sake of my job, I will keep my opinions to myself, which is something I am sadly feeling the need to do around this blog once again. A few of my company mates have run over this thing, and I am begining to feel ... monitored again. I like to run an indie scene around this place. But right about now, I am in the red.
Anyways, I've eaten like a pig tonight and I am feeling ... roasted as it has to be about 100 degrees outside. I'm also feeling a bit concerned about the health of everyone in my training course, as our trainer is sick with something of a cold/flu. So I'm also trying my best to stay in health through the stress and the air conditioned rooms. My feet ... let's not go there; anyways!. With that said, I am generally looking forward to Friday. I mean my training mates are pretty fucking cool, everyone's on the same page when it comes to upper management and the top guys in the company. Basicly we're all on a positive / dont ask, dont tell policy.
My main concern here is for my co-worker which .... amongst these 5 othr managers, I have managed to put in a bad name for unintentionally. I always speak from honesty, and when ... it came to asking about D*******, I had to be honest and claim that she's very uptight and that nobody really gets on with her. Did I betray her ?, perhaps but did I betray myself for being honest.... no. And that is where I am worried. I do not want to be the one out there to spread a bad seed around for an advisor that nobody in management has ever met. But when the question was asked .... I feel somewhat like I betrayed my office, my boss and even this ... person to whom I do not get along with.
Tomorrow is a new day and it will be my third day in training. I swear to God that when I return home, I will have to finsd a proper gym membership. Although I have not had much of an appetite in this heat, I have been eating like a fool on holiday and it's not so pretty !. I know that a lot of peoplre think that I look okay, and I wont beat myself up for not ... being slim and lean. But I do have to take responsibility for this body of mine, and if I am not treating it with respect then how will I ever learn to treat my heart, soul and pride with respect.
Pride is a word that does not come to me completely. I find pride to be a turn off when abused. One must find some form of high value in his or herself, and if that is considered baseline pride, well then that is fine by me. But when Pride goes out to a dinner date with vanity's brother named ego and they form the most disgusting love affair since the age of creation ... that is when we create a diva. And diva's are not something that I like. I am happy with a joke, and a nod and a comment or a group laugh or a bitchy moment. But all in the context of respect, and it has to be known. Otherwise, if you are just a bitch and you dont have a heart, or put off that image and energy like Perez Hilton or Paris Hilton, well then you have totally lost my ... energy and interest.
Although i do not quite know what I am saying this for, I am aware of the fact that it is killing major time and soon enough I'll be able to go to sleep, wake up for day 3 of national training and move onward to Thursday from there. Seriously mates, I cannot wait to sleep in my own bed. This is so weird not to be aroun those I trust in full. But I am greatful to be around one that I am learning to trust. A manager who filled in my for my boss last night in Santa Barbra. She's fun, pretty, funny, witty and wild. I like her, she's totally good people. And so are the rest of my new buisness friends. Oh God ..... buisness friends :) what a ring .... what has my young life come to !? [kidding]. I'll call them my new friends. I'm definatley taking them as the go away gift from this session ... and hopefully a new sales sytem too ;)
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