I feel really insecure right now and I can't stop the battle going on in my head. I'll see myself in the mirror and see that ugly guy looking me in the eye. I need some change in my life, I'm so tired of doing the same thing every week / weekend. The friends that I have - they all dont see me. I probably should rot in my own sadness but then I look to my friends to get me out. And though talks don't always do it - a drink and a smoke in my fingers will. Something to distract me. All I see is a round Irish face with oddly attractive eyes. Something about them remindes me of a wolf. But I'm not "handsome" you see, I'm "pretty" or something like both. I'm not the fit gay guy, I dont fit into any kind of category when it comes to attractivness ..... I hate the mold. I went to the mall and said hello to some flirting buddy. But even that's not appealing right now, I have such a dim view of how to date. I dont know how and they never call me back. I think they always see me for who I am ... hyper, annoying and quirky. I feel so alone and yet nobody's ever going to be able to distract me for long enough. And that's all it is honey - a distraction. Somebody to defend me in my hour of need. Somebody to make love to and kiss under the moon. Oh God - where is this fantasy fucker !?
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