About a week or so ago I had my first ever psychic reading. This came unexpected by a new / future freind of mine here in town. She didn't even know me for four minutes before pulling out and verbalizing "You're a Leo/Virgo Aren't You?". How does one know such information?, she continued by telling me that I was very confused about who I am, and that I suffer from a great power struggle in my life. But that she saw great beauty in my middle age. She then continued to tell me that there was a woman with me; and that I hated this woman, and that there was a great power battle between us. She then continues to tell me that this woman depended on me and that this was a very sick relationship. As I looked inward to decode who this woman was talking about suddenly I became aware of who it was that we were talking about.
No it was not my mother, nor grandmother, nor sister, aunt, old friend, new friend or any other; but Z**a, my estranged cousin with whom I have had nothing to do with for over 3 years. With all stories of how we got to where we are aside, I was shocked to hear this woman tell me about Z**a like she knew her all along. She then continued by saying "She's a Scorpio isnt she?". And as I said yes she continued to tell me that Z**a was going to call me in the coming weeks, and that to answer my question, "No you do not want to persue this relationship again, if you do it'll kill you and bring you right back to where you left off from".
Such wisdom can only come from the devine, and though I was really quite scared of being probed so quickly from a perfect stranger. But in the end I have to say that I thank this woman for telling me whatsup. I think that there is a side of me which is afraid of the future because I do not want to be hurt or put into a situation that I cannot handle, like a wave over my head in a recurring dream that I've had for years, where all is at peace and suddenly there is a tidle wave coming from the sky and I wake up from under the water. I survive, I always survive but my skin stays soggy for a few and my lungs take time to recover from the suffocation of drowning myself in the sorrow of worry and change.
Thinking back upon the hours that scared me, I always have come out with a positive attitude toward the past. It's the future ... I question so often. Fear of the unknown shall we say. And I do try and embrace it, I really do but that always leaves my head so high in the air that when the shit hits the fan I become shell shocked and dizzy. The same can be said about my outlook on love, I think that I secretly fear it though I long for it. I fear the moment when my expiration date is up and he moves on from me because something better looking appears in the sunlight. And from the shadows he'll appear and I'll be left alone. I think that's one of my greatest fears in the world of love and relationships .... betrayal. And we've all been there before, but pain creates phobia. And I've become somewhat more on guard since Aaron and Kolt and the few others that I've dated before present.
(Insert stories of present, only to hide them in a passive/ no details kind of scentence) And he's shown me somewhat more how to trust and give in. I'm really enjoying his company, and though I cannot see the future of he and I, I'm not afraid because it feels quite natural. And somwhere in that nature I find peace. :).
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