Mother Time

Friday:

Wake up, swing a bag, run out the door. Head to training .... watch that clock swing by like lightning until 2pm. Suddenly the clock is moving a minute an hour and I am becoming more aggitated than ever before. Somehow this clock won't move fast enough for my needs to get back on the airplane and fly the hell home. Starting last Monday I learned what it is to want to be home so badly that you would feel the temptation to quit a job in order to do so. Training went .... as it needed to be. But there will be no such denial in my admitting to feeling so horribly alone and bored and frustrated with my job as I felt over the past week.

Saturday: I'm back home and I brought with me a naughty little souvinere ..... an eye infection !. So I find myself stuck in urgent care for the morning / early afternoon awaiting the doctor. From that point, I go to a local coffee spot and grab a mexican mocha. Run into an old Itallian client of mine and we talk about religion and politics for an hour or more. I leave to find myself in Buffalo Exchange ..... $35.00 spent and an irritated eye later I'm back on the 51 heading toward Albertson's to pick up the perscription that my "doctor" hesitated to fax over for me. Once it's picked up .... I drop those fuck'n tears in my eye like Tammy Faye during a conversion.

Sunday: I'm in a state of mind. I don't want to devulge. Normally I would .... but today I can't. For there eyes were watching us and my ears cannot deafen to the bold stereotype of a writer's curse. To be known, to be questioned. It's all in a day. I don't think that I have quite properly adjusted back to normal life since Friday. My eye is kind of keeping me away from feeling normal, simply because I feel like a mess. I talked to a lot of people on the phone last night, including my soon to be former boss. I'll miss her a lot, she's been a great friend to me in the office, and I'll always remember her as my first truly great boss. During my stay in Phoenix, I met my potential new boss. It'a guy from our call center, who seems pretty chill, but also kind of quiet, maybe even shy. Not too bad really as long as he lets me do my thing and I don't bother him when he does his. And then we've got that third link in the office .... a problematic figure who will just have to be dealt with in time.

At the present moment, my life is approached with a sense of disatisfaction and irritation. Am I ready to move on?, and will I find a better life elsewhere?. I feel restless and rawled up by the past week. Was it my meeting the president of my company, was it the new sales system?. Was it me ..... perhpas realizing that I am not cut out for this industry; that my heart is in another industry all together. Yes I am having an affair, for as I make sales in this bedroom, I'm dreaming of a lifelong love affair with another industry all together. But perhaps this man's body will teach me a lesson. How do fight, how to win .... this affair will never be my new version of an original sin. So in the end .... all that I can do is call upon mother time. Maybe she'll help me out on some decision making or to come to peace with the chaos.