Heart of Pain

Please heal me of the fear

please take my pain.

please stop of the worry

before it goes too far.

Just don't leave me in the cold.

Because I've been down for so long.

I can't seem to look up.

I'm used to this.

I have love to give.

Please dont use it.

I have care to give, dont abuse me.

My reactions are killing us.

I'm failing to do it right.

I fear I fear I fear I fear

It seems as though it's all I do.

I worry, and I worry, and I worry.

I can't stand up on my own.

Am I so wrong to ask for a little help?

Am I wrong to say

Please don't look at other men that way ?

Am I so vile to feel

Please honey take the wheel.

Guide us to the sunshine

I'm so tired, I can barely see.

My eyes are full of sand tears.

Ones that can't talk, but they exist.

My heart is full of pain,

All I long for is to be loved, held and adored.

I pray for success, but I can't find it.

I've been on my knees for so long.

Pull me up from this gutter . . .

only I can do that.

Why do I feel so sad again?.

I worry that I'm not your joy

I fear that you'll move away

I swear I didnt mean it to come out that way

But god I love you, since I met you

all I wanted to do was heal your pain --

And now I'm silent in my own .

CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT JESUS CHRIST MICHAEL !!!!!

Although it's not Christmas season anymore, I just found this video on Youtube.com and I had to post it because it's fucking hillarious !

Untitled

These lies

This shame

My body

your frame

Years pass

I lie

Your vision

My life

Time lands

in your hand

my hands

remain empty

waiting for mine

this time

my time

when its fine

With you

not me

let them see

the real me

cast my wish

into the sea

cast my heart

out to thee

find the thread

cut the strings

after all

were all one being

Exsistence is equal

my secrets are sacred

yet my being suffers

So let it be written

So let these words make it done.

Something to write about ....

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -Ghandi

A Project In Progress ...................

(Thoughts to examine)

"Christ outside of The Christian Church"
"Relationships based on Christs teaching"
"Christianity today"
"The baseline message of Jesus Christ"
"Other Religious examinations of The Christ"
"Philosophy VS. Control; Man's manipulation of Christs Teachings"
"Love thy Neighbor ... Judgement; Laws and human rights within Christs Teachings"
"Taking Back The Church : The end of ideal and the true practice of Christianity"

Until Further Notice

Hey everyone, I'm posting this to let you know that due to work related issues of being online too much at work, I will not be able to post during my free time at work. I don't have my own lap top and I'm about to lose my job if I do anything more online around here. So - - - until further notice or a weekend, I'll try my best to keep posting. And believe me, I'll fill you in on the full story (the mother fuckers I work for) . . .

-BD

March.

Happy New Year everybody !, This will mark my first post for 2008. I've got some high hopes out for 2008. It seems as though every year we hold high hopes for the new year; only to find out that they don't come true. One of the lessons that I am carrying from 2007 into the new year is that we have to create our own successful dreams. Action over idea would be the mantra that comes to my mind when I think about the process. We hold more power in our state of mind than in anything else. The birth of success begins within "Yes, and", this is a rule that I learned in my improv 1 class last year. The rule applies to a scene in which a player presents a situation, scenario or idea. As the fellow actor in the "scene", you are required to agree with with other players by agreeing to the situation and adding to it. So the same can be said for our goals in life.

Ideas and goals need follow up in order to be documented and created. My personal stance upon following up with anything in my life needs a lot of work. I put things off until the last minute and often times that leaves me standing at station "A" forever, I need to head over to station "B" and hopefully make it to "Z" by 2009. So what's the plan stan ?. No clue, but it should start with making a proper change toward happiness. I've been thinking about leaving my job now for a while and every day I feel stronger about the idea of getting out of the office for good. However there are a few things that I need to do before I depart. I will not leave this place before I have a new job lined up behind this one. I'm looking for an upgrade, something that has benefits as well. $12-15 per hourly wage would be great. I'll need full time in order to pay the bills and save a buck. I'll also need to know what I am doing, selling travel is not my thing - I've never been outside of the USA and frankly I've been made fun of for it in the office. I do not like my job anymore and it's becoming toxic to my happiness.

If I stay here beyond March and continue to put up with the daily bullshit that I deal with, I can honestly say that I will lose it. I no longer have respect for the people that I work for and with. These people have treated me like shit for the past year, with the exception of my friend who got me the job and my previous boss Mar***. I understand that this post has taken a turn for the worst, but something has happened within the last five minutes which I cannot fight over anymore. A moment of belittlement between a co worker and myself. Sometimes I simply want to smack that cunt. The main thing that I can say about working here is that I learned more about myself than I ever thought. I learned about my strengths and weaknesses. I proved to myself that I can "stick it out" through all of my own self doubt. I will rise above this job. If I can sic things out until March, I will resign and move forward and on from this torture.