Losing Friends and Gaining Enemies.

Dear Ellen,

I miss you. But I dont like you much. You've pissed me off beyond all else. And I know why. It's because Iwent against you and you decided to act like a 17 year old again [which you are]. And though the memories are beside us .... I still think about you like you were my friend sometimes. And when I think of all the bullshit that went down between us and the lies that tore us apart ... I think to myself "I would not have done that that same had I known where it would bring us today". But then I think about the strength that our breakup gave me. I think about how you taught me how to hate, and how to feel rage crawl from my fingertips toward the wall where it ended in a wall; smashed with conclusion.

And then I think about how I purposly dropped bombs upon us. How I killed us. How I knew I had to when I saw your new French army coming onto my beach. You cannot settle here. You cannot know me. And yet I want to know you. I miss you as my friend ... I miss making you laugh and talking shit about the world between us. I miss you -- but as long as he's around I cannot trust you. For I know your'e turned on by this fued. And I know you're nature is to draw us apart. I don't know if I have forgiven him yet, but I think he's better in my book than you are. Somehow I think to myself -- who is the true enemy in all of this ? me, you, him or all of us?.

Questioning the past I look into my actions and I'll admit that they weren't pretty. I'll admit that my words were meant to spite you two and that I didnt ever intend for your love to continue past my diesire to ruin it. But when my secrets fell from your mouth to his ear ... I knew that it was time for you to die. And so I decided to ruin you, I decided to kill you in my mind and in my heart. I could not let you linger within me - so I killed you un my heart. I will have you know that I never said a single thing to him about your past, I'll have you know that your secrets remained in tact until 3rd parties leaked what information they knew through over hearing telephone conversations between us. I'll have you know he's a liar, I'll have you know he's slandered me the same way I'll do to you until you can understand me again. I'll have you know what I am still angry with you for all of this and that it unsettles me to know that you're still in my mind. For I have lost a great friend in you and gained an even stronger enemy.

Until you happen to stumble upon this post; sincerely,

__________ _________